Years ago, back when I was still at that fakakta law firm, I did what good people are supposed to do: I helped someone. I referred a 401(k) plan to an advisor. I even introduced him to the law firm partner — the big networker, the rainmaker, the tax certiorari superstar who everyone wanted face time with. It was a solid opportunity for the advisor, the kind most people would kill for.
Then I left the firm.
And that same partner, the one who benefitted from my introduction, apparently told the advisor that I was a “loose cannon.” Not in a cool, action-movie way. In the “don’t work with him, he’s trouble” way. I didn’t hear it directly. I heard it from the advisor’s employee, who then was instructed to “never work with Ary again.”
No one asked me what happened. No one asked whether any of it was true. They just accepted the narrative because it was convenient.
And here’s the punchline: When I later had the opportunity to do something about it ethically and appropriately, the advisor was terminated from the 401(k) plan I had originally helped him get. Not out of revenge, but because he showed his hand. If you’ll believe unvetted gossip about someone who helped you, you’ll mishandle bigger things too. He lost the client all on his own.
I think about that every time I take my son to the local card and autograph show. If you’ve ever walked those aisles, you’d swear memorabilia dealers are like Hatfields and McCoys. Everyone dislikes someone. Everyone has a feud. Everyone’s mad about a trade from 1997.
Yet I get along with all of them. And it’s not complicated. I treat people well, and they treat me well. I stay out of fights that don’t involve me. And I’m way too old to inherit anyone else’s grudge.
The 401(k) world, the memorabilia world, the actual world, they all work the same way. Relationships are currency, reputations are fragile, and gossip is cheap. People who build their opinions on hearsay eventually sabotage themselves. People who treat others decently usually find the road gets easier, not harder.
I’m not perfect, but I’ve learned this: You can’t control what others say about you. You can control how you treat people and who you choose to be.
And if you’re consistent, fair, kind, straightforward, you won’t need to defend your reputation. Your actions will do it for you.
Everything else is just noise.
