I’ve always tried to get along with people. I really have. I’m not wired for constant conflict, and my instinct has always been to keep the peace, even when that peace comes at my own expense. Sometimes that works. Sometimes it doesn’t. And sometimes people mistake good nature for weakness.
That lesson came courtesy of my neighbor.
For years, I stayed silent. Loud, obnoxious parties? I said nothing. Cars parked in front of my house instead of his own driveway? I let it go. I figured being reasonable and non-confrontational would pay off in the long run. It didn’t.
When my neighbor applied for a zoning variance to build a deck—one that would function less like a deck and more like a party platform just feet from our bedroom windows—he lied about its purpose. My wife and I fought it, but we lost. The board of zoning appeals was dominated by Al D’Amato’s estranged wife, whose reputation for being a considerate neighbor, based on news reports, leaves much to be desired. We knew a court battle would be expensive, exhausting, and likely futile. So we stopped fighting.
Instead, we adapted.
We installed security cameras. Quietly. Legally. Thoroughly. They record everything. That alone seemed to upset him more than any formal complaint ever could.
After October 7, we placed an Israeli flag in our front window. Not to provoke, but to express who we are. In response, during construction of the deck, my neighbor—who is not Muslim, Arab, or Palestinian—posted pro-Palestinian signs in a side window visible only to us. It wasn’t political expression. It was petty provocation.
The irony is that I never escalated. I simply stopped accommodating bad behavior. Actions have consequences, even delayed ones. And the biggest mistake people make is assuming that someone who stays quiet isn’t paying attention.
Never mistake silence for weakness. And never fight with someone who understands patience, preparation, and the long game better than you do.
