They often say that most people, look up to their parents as idols. Parents are there to educate, to teach right from wrong, and to set an example.
I believed that and I looked up to my parents until I realized that they were not decent people, they were dishonest and self-serving. They would stoop to any level to get what they want. It was over something really silly in hindsight, but it eventually led to the problems later down the line.
One of the mistakes I made in life was graduating from school and starting a career, while still living in my parents’ home. Looking back, I wish I could have done things differently. But you can’t change things and that was probably a part of the journey.
Around 1999, my two aunts were no longer talking to each other. The husbands had gone into business and together that ended terribly about a year or so ago. Harry and Judy had lost millions, which started as a result of needing to find a career for Suzy’s husband, Mark, who was a failure at everything he did.
Judy’s daughter was about to be married and I had almost no relationship with her. Judy’s kids always looked down on my sister and me, so the relationship was reduced to a couple of visits a year and nothing more. Judy’s intent was to invite Suzy, but not Mark. So Suzy wasn’t invited and I was miffed since I was close to Suzy and Mark. I needed some kind of protest.
So when the daughter’s wedding was going to happen on Long Island, there was going to be a wedding and a dinner the night before. Not wanting to cause heat with my parents, I agreed to attend the wedding and not the dinner. They agreed.
Of course, days before, my parents reneged. They demanded I attended both and my father’s excuse was that it was around his 65th birthday. I refused. I have never been physically abused by my parents, but psychological abuse can be just as bad. I was told how stubborn I was and how no one would ever love me. With all that abuse, I relented and attended. I never looked at my parents the same way again. Your word is your bond and they broke their word over some meaningless dinner. In the scheme of things, all my relationships with these people went by the wayside, but I never forgot how dishonest my parents were.
I might be stubborn, but my word is everything. As a parent, I make mistakes, but I never wanted to be seen as a liar to my kids.
